Quality over Quantity in Dating

Florence Williamson
3 min readMay 2, 2023
A couple embracing quality over quantity in dating
Photo by Joeyy Lee on Unsplash

Is modern dating a numbers game? Is the quality over quantity debate overdone?

Many people ask this question in the aftermath of a dating failure. But at the risk of sounding cliché, there’s a reason many people take quality over numbers when they’re dating.

I’m a big believer in quality over numbers. Everyone deserves a loyal and loving partner for life. I won’t judge anyone who prefers the numbers game, but I just prefer going slow and steady with one person.

With that said, why are there people who think it’s purely a numbers game?

Let’s look at both approaches and see where they come from.

The Quantity Approach

For some of us, the answer to the first question is yes. Most interactions happen online anyway, and they believe that volume is the best approach to dating. With the many singles they interact with, they’re sure to find someone worth committing to, right?

If you want to understand that approach, think of it like fishing. When you throw the bait (in this case, talk to daters), someone will eventually catch it.

There is a catch to this strategy, though. As much as you (digitally) throw yourself onto many singles, not every match is going to be a great one. We can’t predict how another person acts, so who knows if the person on the other side happens to be a scammer preying on their next victim.

The Quality Approach

Playing the numbers game in dating isn’t wrong per se. After all, dating rules aren’t set in stone. Talking to many singles makes sense if you want to get your profile out there.

However, that strategy can get old and tiring pretty fast. As convenient as online dating is, it can burn you out. The quantity approach can make you feel like a robot, sending repetitive copy-paste messages that make you come across as an unoriginal and lazy person.

To that point, how can you prioritize quality over quantity?

One, you can start by sticking to one dater. When you’re through with sending messages to daters, narrow your prospects down and choose the best person. When you find a quality match, concentrate your time and efforts on that person. This motivates you to become more genuine with your motives.

Two, you can turn down bad matches. If you’re talking to someone who’s excessively prioritizing quantity and ignoring messages, muster the courage to say your piece and proceed to something (or someone) better.

Three, go straight to the point and make your priorities clear. This move makes daters know what you’re looking for, and you can filter out quality matches from unserious ones.

If quality over quantity in friendships is a big deal, try to keep the same energy for dating and relationships. You can meet and get to know tons of people, but it only takes one person to win your heart.

Quality relationships don’t grow on trees, so don’t let one get away when you find one. They may be the person that you’ve wanted and needed.

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